Why is it that everytime we do taxes, it has to be so much friggin' work and painful?

In our home, even though Corinn is the CFO, I'm the CTO (Chief Tax Officer).  On a side note, Sam's the CFO (Chief Fuzz Officer) and does a great job at that.  So I've taken on the duty ever since we've been married to complete the taxes and boy do I earn my title.  We've been broadsided in years past due to some huge mix-ups at my company, but in the end, we are still alive.  This year was another one... But I had struggled to make sense of why things didn't go so well for us.  It seems that no matter how well you plan, something always pops up.

I use both software and by-hand means to make sure the taxes come out the way they should.  It usually takes me a good long weekend to do so.  In the end, I verify that all the numbers look good (or not so favorable) and then we move on to sending the fed my forms.  Again, I try to get this done in a weekend ahead of time because I'm slightly impatient and if we are anticipated to get a return, I want to make sure I get it at the optimal time so we can earn interest.  If we have to pay, I usually wait until the week before April's national taxday to mail stuff in for the same reasons.  Ideally you want to owe nothing and the feds owe you nothing.  If you sway too far in one or the either direction, you get penalized (which Mc-Stinks).

So, this weekend, I came upon new stumbling blocks, but in the end, I think everything went as smoothly as it could have.  I'll be working all next weekend at the EMC, and other days will probably be the same way, so I needed to finish everything ASAP before I forgot.

February, March and April will be hell for me as the EMC is finishing up some projects and I'm sure we'll be starting some more.  I'm auditing a class at the college, but I've neglected to do homework for it (though not really required to) because of the lack of hours at the end of my days from work.  I haven't taken a single vacation day yet and still have comp-time leftover.  On a daily average, I'm putting in about 10+ hours, but several weeks ago, I put in 150+ hours within 10 days.  Last week, I put in about 55.  I'm looking at this upcoming week to be at least 70 because I'll need to work the weekend.  This has been a rare weekend recently where I didn't really work (except for checking e-mail).  I could use some time off... but I'm not sure when that'll happen next, when it will be appropriate or if it'll be possible at all.

I think the only things that keep me at the EMC are the types of projects we work on (save the world type stuff) and the people involved.  It's a lot of high stress work, but when I think about it (if I have time to think), the time invested is worth it.  I'm not even sure if I'm doing a good enough job!  I guess maybe I am if my boss kept me on for the past year and 3 months?

I am concerned though that I'm losing much of my life to work and not enough of it is towards spending time with Corinn, friends and family or even home projects/events that I should be doing and want to do.  Maybe life is like this in general... I cannot tell.  It's slightly depressing though that I do come home exhausted, eat, have small talk with Corinn and then eventually go to bed after reading for work, or doing homework.

Is this even the right job for me?  I wish I was the guy running on the ground with the students instead of managing them a lot of the time.  I was supposed to start a Master's degree in November, but I had to put it off due to how much work the EMC required me to do.  I'm afraid that I won't be able to start an MFA or PhD until 2 years from now and it feels frustrating to know this.  Ugh.  At the same time though, I wouldn't want to give up an opportunity that I do have to stay at the EMC and work on projects that do matter to me.  I just wish that things weren't so rushed and that my time revolved around student schedules the way they do.  It's a double edge sword having students be the workforce in a field like this, but at the same time, they're a joy to work with and when they put the right time into the projects, they work well and hard to get tasks done.  For some, the EMC is a side thing, for others, it's a part of their lives it seems.

I'm feeling burnt out.  I cannot enjoy a weekend because as soon as it hits Saturday night, I'm worrying about work or feeling guilty, as I did yesterday, that I didn't work.  I cannot play a game at home without thinking that I should be doing something else instead of relaxing.  Maybe it's just in my nature to be high-strung...

Ugh...

I realize that most of my posts, when I have an opportunity to do so, happen in the late nights/early mornings...

Oh well.  Time to sleep.

America's going to be re-writing history today:

• Oldest President and first woman as V.P. to be elected?
• First Black President to be elected?

Does it matter?

Kind of...

...

...But once the media stops covering these "firsts", hopefully the rest of the nation will be in the hands of a President elect who will lead the country for its people, the world and not for themselves for the next 4 years.  It's an exciting, scary, emotional, thrilling, proud time to be an American at this point in US history as we still have the voice to elect the best leader for our country while breaking the thick, glass ceilings that may have held this country back for so long.

Times like this make me very appreciative that my ancestors fought for the freedoms that I have today.  The ability to have a blog site and to vote are just a few of those freedoms.  It also makes me proud of my parents to have raised me to be the educated, *hopefully* intelligent person that I am today with the ethical values I retain and utilize on a daily basis.

I am a very fortunate individual and pray that the future continues to be brighter and better for the world and the people who live in it.

So a friend of mine, Colleen, forwarded me this article today talking about ethics and vacation.  It was very interesting to note that most people fall into one of the four categories:

A) I receive 15 days of paid vacation each year, and I take them—guilt-free.

B) I receive 15 days of paid vacation each year, but I feel guilty if I take any of them.

C) I haven’t had a vacation in years; I’m loyal to my company or business and am proud of this fact.

D) I work for myself and don’t take vacations; if I don’t work, I don’t make money.

I believe I'm more of the "B" type and that's not because I want attention.  I usually get this feeling that I shouldn't take vacation, or even on some days when I plan on it, I'll cancel my vacation date to work.  Is it so important to cancel?  Well, yes and no?  This whole week I planned a while ago to take off along with next, however, with all the stuff going on at the Emergent Media Center (my favorite place of work), I felt it was necessary to take it off.  Mostly because I felt I would be strongly needed and that I'd probably upset my employer if I wasn't there if working when they needed me.  Because of this, I will be losing vacation since it goes away.

I feel sometimes it's not very easy to take a vacation day or two... In fact, I feel it's selfish (for myself) to do so.  I guess that's part of why I feel guilty about it.  Believe me; I really feel the need to take a vacation a lot of times.  In fact, I'd prefer to just simply stay home and do stuff around the house.  I've been feeling that a lot of my time lately has been devoted to projects at home or someone else's need (adult/grown-up stuff) like doing taxes or moving.  This is stuff that's not really fun, but I guess it's necessary.  But staycation in this case makes me feel a little better about being lazy since I don't really have an itinerary to worry about just as if we decided to go to Disney world.  If Corinn and I did that (which would be awesome, I've never been to either parks) and I just came off of a ridiculous work week load, I'd feel exhausted and guilty that all I wanted to do was sleep or relax rather than needing to try every ride, go to the beach, see stuff... basically I don't like rigid schedules on vacation.  Don't get me wrong, getting to do things is totally cool and part of the human perpetuated interest.  However, if they are regimented, then they're not much more fun than being at the office (and believe me, the students I work with are a blast!).

So another reason why I don't take a vacation or feel bad about vocalizing it has to do with habits created by my bosses.  Sometimes you see them taking time off and then saying "I'll be doing work from home," or "I'm canceling and going back into work/will be available." This makes me feel bad when I kind of want to be selfish and say, "I'm keeping to my time off." or what inevitably happens is that I don't take the time off.

I don't know... I guess it's just a frustrating place to be in... Especially when I come home and feel like I've done nothing because I'm doing work pretty much until 6-8pm in the evening.  Oh well, it'd be interesting to see if people who will post comments to this blog regarding the 4 choices share in the discussion.  I feel in general that I do work a lot, but it's because I really enjoy the cause that the college goes for which makes me feel a little bit better when I work late hours.... That somehow what I'm doing is worth it to someone else or that it is a noble effort to work for the college.

I'm now fading in and out of sleep... I guess I should go, but I still have so much to talk about!  Eeek!